Sometimes it’s good not to have anyone to vent to…

I once heard a speaker explain the experience he had during a retreat in which the attendees vowed not to speak. As he had a quick wit, he wanted so badly to be able to share the thoughts that popped into his mind. Without anyone with which to share his comments, he soon realized that much of what he had to say really wasn’t of any great value. He would say things to make people laugh, quick one-liners, but didn’t share any ideas of great consequence. He became aware of the fact that many of his thoughts were insignificant and a lot of times weren’t edifying to his hearers.

During the last few months in Honduras, I have realized that being stuck with oneself allows one to be more sharply aware of the areas that need growth. Without someone to share my every thought with, I have to filter the ideas that are worth sharing. By the time I’m able to make a call or send an email, I find that the things that were important an hour ago are no longer important. When you don’t have anyone to vent to, you are forced to deal with your thoughts, just you and God. And He’s usually waiting with a challenge. Sometimes I feel like He’s saying, “Of all the things you could talk to me about, this is what you choose to share?” Of course, I know that God is interested in the small things, but I also know that He desires greater things for us; and many times we don’t get to the greater things because we are so caught up in the inconsequential.

I pray that I would live to learn to think about the present the same way I would in retrospect. I pray that I would never ask myself the question, “Why did I get so worked up about that?” I pray that I would have a tranquility and a peace like that of Paul who, even when persecuted and in prison, could sing. That no matter what life has to offer me, I would see the value in it and would take full advantage of the lessons to be learned. When you’re stuck with yourself, sometimes it’s hard not to get caught up in the ugliness you see in the deepest parts that no one else sees. “I can’t believe I have arrived at this age still dealing with problems X, Y and Z.” But then there are moments in which the sun pierces through the clouds and envelopes me in a warm ray of grace and I think, “I couldn’t have been created for anything better than this.” There is peace, joy and the desire to let go of my worries…and sing.